Gary's Substack Post

What is up fellas. In todays Gary’s Substack on the platform Substack written by Gary Zhang from Gary’s Substack, we will be taking a deep dive into the most epic new happening at LHSS: the school weight room. It has every piece of equipment you need (bench press), it’s open at lunch and after school, and it’s free.

A new survey found 83.6371923% of students at SJAM who don’t go to the gym say they “want to, but just don’t have time” (Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff 352). It makes sense for these individuals to lift weights at lunch in school, as “63.581% of students [at SJAM] do not find themselves doing anything productive during lunch hours [at school]” (Richardson). It is my understanding that Gary’s Substack readers are all elite athletes, so here is the google classroom code for the instructions to join: i7ttp43. All you have to do is like sign a concussion form, sign a “contract”, pay the school activity fee if you haven’t already, and give Mr. Stover your kidney. This is a small price to pay. I have heard their rules are strict though, and you’ll get kicked out if you’re wearing something like cargo pants, jeans or anything else deemed as unacceptable clothing for weightlifting. It may be best to not wear any clothes while working out at the school gym, to avoid any dress code violations.

Also, I had to open Instagram in order to get the class code, and now I’m seeing something strange. The bio of the SJAM athletics account contains these emojis: “🏐 🏊🏾 🎾 🏒 🏀 🥌 ⚾️ 🏑 🏉 ⛳️ 👟 🏈 🏸 ⚽️”. Upon speaking to Mike, I have learned that he is absolutely furious. He is furious that e-sports, specifically League of Legends, is not recognized as a sport. Also, Mike has hit gold since the last update, and he will be making an appearance in Gary’s Substack soon again. Anyway go to the school gym if you want.